The Egg Grenade


Photo by John Tann

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a some step, or in this case a stumble.

There is nothing quite like coming home when you’re a hungry teenager. I had come home after a rugby match (we lost 12-11). Mum had left me a note to clear up the IKEA packaging, having spent the morning putting up some new furniture and new lampshades, she was always particular about the right lampshades. Packaging would have to wait, hunger called, and as teenagers do, I went scavenging in the kitchen and was delighted to find that there was a spare boiled egg in the saucepan, someone obviously had cooked too much this morning.

It was cold and I’m not much of a fan of cold egg, so I looked around for a quick way to heat it up.

What do you use when you want to heat something up fast? The microwave. I stuck it in on the full 650 watts for a minute rather than the customary three.

When I took it out it felt nice and hot, so I reckoned the egg inside must be piping hot too.

So I buttered my toast and stuck the egg in an egg cup, turned the tv on and gave the egg a tap with my teaspoon.

Now imagine this. One moment you’re sitting down to enjoy a nice egg, the next there’s eggshell shrapnel in your face, you’re partially blinded by a bit of hot egg white and molten yolk is all over the tv.

I think I just sat there blinking for a few minutes whilst reality sank in. Since when did eggs explode?

Clearing up took a very long time. There was egg on the ceiling, in the lampshades, and we were finding fragments of egg all over the living room for days.

The moral of the story is, if you’re going to microwave an egg, don’t crack it open when your mum has installed new lampshades

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